Copywriting Exercise for Whirlpool

by Lowen Howard

Directions:  Correct the original advertisement, and add what you think will make it better.

Original:

Innovation leads to power for creates a kitchen that helps our  consumer  get more done. From ovens thaat utilize a convection cooking system to gas and elecric cooktops designed to increase versatility, finding efficiency from appliance to appliance has never been smoother. Power, flexibility and style unite for a productive cooking experience.

 Outstanding spelling and word choice errors aside, I think “our customer” sounds impersonal and should be replaced by the simple pronoun “you”.    “Utilize” sounds overly technical to me and I thought about changing it to the simpler “use” but decided to leave it because it seemed to fit with the overall style of the writing.  Also, I think this piece needs to reference the brand it’s advertising which is why I’ve included “Whirpool” and “Whirpool Gold Ovens” in my submission.    Lastly the second sentence seemed clunky and unclear to me, so I changed a few things to make it a little more direct.  

 Final:

Innovation leads to power. For Whirlpool, that means creating a kitchen that helps you get more done. Our new line of Whirlpool and Whirlpool Gold Ovens is designed to be smooth and efficient from appliance to appliance,  whether it be an oven that utilizes a convection cooking system or a gas and electric cooktop designed for seamless versatility. With these ovens, power, flexibility and style unite in your kitchen for a streamlined and productive cooking experience.

Advertisements